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Neurotic FragmentsSentimental monologue
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四月情迷April. 18th A day to remember. For the first sight in the office of CITI, his hunch told him that is his angel that he would treasure, April.18th,2008. It is the last day that she was off. It is indelible: He was lost until he found her, he is too sensitive, and he still can't get over the depression, empathy and sympathy he have for everyone. He need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm he once had as a child, but she konws how to tame his detached and vagrant heart, and she is his Muse and the source of inspiration and endeavor. He know this affection is forever cause it shows in every little thing he do always make a way to see their emotion through. In the moonlight shadow, he just held her in his arms and then he kissed her in sweet slow motion, with her soft lips slightly moved. There is nowhere else she rather be,to feel the way she feel with his arms around her. He lost track of time, and feel a surge of happiness running up his spine. It's all subliminal, and a feeling like this. She must be the reason why God made a girl. Laws of attraction, that seems ineluctable. It is that all of a sudden, it is that all of coincidence. Condolence3:20 Feb. 2 Perish. Rest in Peace. You will be watched over by the angels. and blessed to the eternal bliss. Self cognition研究心理学的好友送给我两本书，是关于Fight against depression 和性格和自我认知的，看了看，又想了想，对于自我，有点启发。。
交流 说话太快，的确，而且发现自己很多时候是谓语后置，表达混乱，a twisted way。。。。而且自己似乎是已经习惯于一种表达方式，倾向于简洁简洁简洁，不喜欢复述，而只是提供新的信息或是保持沉默，默认对方会理解你，或者是某种telepathy，而通常，这是一种交流的失败。。。
注意力 They always banter me that I always try to ask the same questions again and again, that I am not paranoia, but I really forgot it or I never remembered it….. Finally, I got the answer, it is all about my concentration, as my mind is always drifting away….The attention span is really short…And that is the reason I always forget the street as I never try to remember it….Or I really need some exercise such as to remember the name of a person, in order to fight against the degration of the memory and keep my attention fixed. Another reflection is the way you try to diversify yourself, as you really find hard to concentrate on one subject, but the dissipation of energy will never make you excel. 通才和专才的取舍，可能还是取决于自己的偏好吧，纠结矛盾也没有用。。。。
逻辑 逻辑的确很重要，外国人说话就很讲逻辑，从GRE,LSAT,GMAT的设置就可以看出。也许自己一直就是个逻辑混乱的人吧，思维太跳跃，跟Phoebe一样。。 而且，有时候逻辑的形式比内容更重要。。。就像今天杀人游戏，我实在无法分辨有人分析或是辩解有任何道理，虽不是众口铄金，三人成虎，但是在逻辑上是很漂亮的，虽然内容上确实不一定正确，而且从反方向理解也完全可以。也许语言本身就是一种艺术，艺术就没有绝对对错，且形式比内容跟重要吧，辩论就是很好的体现吧….COGENT。
社会习俗 一直对Social Custom和Norm比较淡漠，而且AB型对人情世故淡薄，而且本身又不太喜欢太热闹，想想大年三十大家都赶着回家，我有时候想，如果把年分开过，自家自家团聚，其实也挺好的，什么时候在一起不重要，而和谁在一起跟重要。 关于礼仪，也许自己一直都是egalitarian,没什么尊卑贵贱, every man are created equal, 但是，以一种方式对待所有的人，自己才意识到，这又是一种矛盾。。。。
Maverick You always march to a different drummer。想起一次面试时外籍GG看了我的邮箱名，笑着说： “Ha, Maverick…..but we don’t need that kind of person here….” 因为我还是没听高的建议换个邮箱…The devil lies in the detail….Anyway, let it be, I don't like to be institutionalized, never…. 想起1月13日的静思语是：在疯子眼中，正常的人才是疯子。不过，在Credit Crunch的今天，就像樊说的，即使是个Lunatic, 在有的场合也还是要用常人的思维，至少要听起来像个正常人……
生活 很喜欢罗素，把他对生命意义的定义作为一个坐标。我想，许多人都可能为此迷茫过，对于爱走极端的AB型来说，是像斯巴达人那样隐忍，像清教徒那样自律，是柏拉图式的理想主义，是伊壁鸠鲁的享乐主义，还是找不到灯塔的虚无主义，像烛火一样飘摇而虚幻。也许寻找生活的意义本身就是一种错误。也许还是存在主义最适合我们，生活是一张白纸，本身没有意义，我们自己的行为让其色彩斑斓，seize the day, Carpe Diem.
Free Will 一直崇尚自由意志，就像Devil’s Advocate中Keanu对Al Pacino最后说的那句话，每个人有权利选择自己的道路，但是自由都是有限度的。。 关于佛的误解：其实佛祖从没说过不努力，只是不要太执着，不要把结果看的太重，小隐于野，中隐于市, 大隐于朝。理想主义可能也是一种幻觉中的乌托邦，而张居正那样可能才是最高境界吧，无论如何，保存理想和良心，千回百转，千锤百炼，矢志不改，如此而已。
幸福 想起了轲给我推荐的钱钟书的《论幸福》，钱钟书先生说：“快乐在人生里，好比引诱小孩子吃药的方糖，更像跑狗场里引诱狗赛跑的电兔子。几分钟或几天的快乐赚我们活了一世，忍受着许多痛苦。我们希望它来，希望它留，希望它再来——这3句话概括了整个人类努力的历史。”又是一种矛盾。。。 的确，幸福和绝大多数东西一样，边际效用是递减的。没有永远的快乐，无止境的糖块也会使人感到腻，为了效用最大化，苦才是最好的催化剂。 另一方面，效用函数的多样化让更多的人拥有幸福。大仲马在基督山伯爵的最后写过,勃兰登堡家族,第一代追求财富,第二代追求地位,第三代追求音乐。找到自己的效用函数吧，而且是每个时间区间的效用函数。也许老庄的思想对于自己还是太早了，把自己的效用函数都变成直线，也许自己还根本没有资格这样做。
情绪 可能每个人都会有间歇性的depression吧,对于本身性格矛盾的人更是如此，可能关键是摆脱这种情绪的速度吧。靡靡之音对于过于敏感的神经来说，一旦限于某种思绪，则很难摆脱.Try not to be sensitive, try to numb your nerve and stop thinking anything，but keep acting, 运动也是一种最好的placebo吧。行动，也许当一个人忙的连烦恼的时间都没有了，那他也就不会烦恼了吧。
时代 我们无法选择，这是命数。卢梭也说过 "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." 在失望中追求偶尔的满足，不一定全对，但我们都在赶路，却是没错的。
It was the best of time, it was the worst of time, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct to the other way.
Life is a combination of paradox. But, it is all about your attitude. And it reminds me the last words of Kurt Cobain who is also an AB: It's better to burn out than to fade away
思维混乱,不知所云。 BabbleLife is a dance, you spring up with lightness, and fall with heaviness.
Life is a battle, you fight from the cradle to the grave, with the epitaph for a warrior.
Life is a poem, you read the lines in the rhythm of our soul, and find a mirror to you bosom.
Life is a cocktail lounge, you can't forget the gaffe of your debute, and the way you walk in tuxedo.
Life is an encyclopedia, you relish the wisdom in the first chapter, but regret to find that you will never grasp all...
Life is a cup of coffee, bittersweet, but you savor the aftertaste over lips and teeth.
Life is a gospel, you are blessed with those you loved and beloved. Green Light当巴乔在玫瑰碗射失那最后一脚，全世界为之黯然。 当克林斯曼在美利坚的阳光下打入那记凌空转身抽射， 想想中学的时候，每天踢球到很晚，浑身是泥．．．
想想罗定坤（PIA子同学，你的外号太难拼）那扭着小臀部，踩着小舞步的盘球。这次在上海动作还是没咋变啊，不过，我们比他们本科生就只是体力差了点。<(￣ c￣)y▂ξ
那时候，足球就是生活的全部。 好久没踢球了，不过， 寒假，回家，重批11号战袍，不用将李直送我的猎鹰挂在墙上了，穿上它，重新驰骋在绿茵场吧~ MEMORIES THAT WILL NEVER FADE It is green, it is the light MidwinterWhen the bull market has turned into bullshit market. You found you are caught in an impasse. Daddy and mommy have taught you how to love rather than how to fight..... No matter full-fledged or not, it is time for fly, out of the cozy nestle. It's only after you're lost everything that you're free to do anything. Better stand tall when they' re calling you out. Whatsoever, you have to be a maverick untill you collapse. 雪梅香柳永
景萧索，危楼独立面晴空。
动悲秋情绪，当时宋玉应同。
渔市孤烟袅寒碧，水村残叶舞愁红。
楚天阔，浪浸斜阳，千里溶溶。
临风想佳丽，别后愁颜，镇敛眉峰。
可惜当年，顿乖雨迹云踪。
雅态妍姿正欢洽，落花流水忽西东。
无憀恨，相思意，尽分付征鸿。 FriendshipI try to remember everything that I was helped by all of you..
I am a person of taciturnity, an introvert who lives in his own mind and elude expressing himself or sometimes, in an awkward way...
I appreciate that you donnot regard me as a jerk and accept my bluntness.
Thank you, all my firends, you rise me up and keep me alive.
If I am not saying it, I will keep it, in my heart... InsomniaDon't know why, the song plundged me into the reminiscence.... The pictures I took.. Depressive,illusive....cyclic...ineluctable....maybe that is kismet. And the fragmented thoughts, framed in the kaleidoscope until it blurred, as well as the flowers...perished. It feels more depressive in the mid of night. I wanna have a word with someone except myself.... I miss my home
She Walks in BeautyShe walks in beauty, like the light Of cloudless Climes and Starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes: Thus mellowed to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies. One shade the more, one ray the less, Had half impaired the nameless grace. Which waves in every raven tress, Or softly lightens o'er her face; Where thoughts serenely sweet express How pure, or dear their dwelling place. And on that cheek, and o'er that brow, So soft, so calm, yet eloquent, The smiles that win, the tints that glow, But tell of the days in goodness spent, A mind at peace with all below, A heart whose love is innocent. |
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